Where does MY family fit in??

Have you ever wondered: Where does MY family fit in both socially and culturally?? Or is that something that you have already discovered? Has it been a positive experience? Or do you wish you could change it?

For me, I have had to go into deeper thought about WHAT my family "culture" really is. I often think that I'm in "just another ordinary Caucasian family living in Utah." Which viewing us from an outside perspective, that is pretty accurate. However, I failed to realize that a family "culture" is much deeper than that. The culture we often think about is more broad. For example, you could look at a family that has come from Mexico and say "that family has a strong hispanic culture." But beyond that you don't know much about that family. That is because when we hear the word "culture" we automatically think of either where a family is from, or what their visual "family traditions" are. And that is when a specific example came to my mind. Have you ever seen that movie called "Fiddler on the Roof?" (well if not, you should!) There is a common practice that is emphasized in that film and it is repeated many times. It is called "tradition." A tradition is defined as: "inherited patterns of belief or behavior." And in the film, there are many "traditions" that have been a part of their overall culture that they have CHOSEN to stick with for generations upon generations. And it seems that most of them don't even remember or KNOW the real reason behind the "traditions" they follow. It's not that they're necessarily "bad" traditions, but that they are not be fully focused specifically on enhancing the individual family members to create a healthier family unit. So within the film is displayed a family that struggles to keep a balanced family dynamic as some of these "traditions" are questioned by their children (the newer/younger generations) who are influenced by the evolving world. It is shown not only by this family, but that EVERY family has its own culture, which is then influenced by several factors.

There is so much MORE that defines a families culture. I found that "family culture" is defined as: "an aggregate of attitudes, ideas and ideals, and environment, which a person inherits from their parents and ancestors." So like I said before, culture can be inherited. But with each newly formed family, evolving over time, there can be a totally new dynamic and structure that develops in the family environment. One big idea is: It is easier to BE influenced than to influence. That is taking what is called an "ecological viewpoint." You influence others, and others influence you. There are choices that you get to make now and in the future, that create and maintain the family culture you desire. And it has been studied that there are certain traditions that have encouraged the BEST in families and individuals, and others that have had a negative effect. For example: It has been shown that a "strong family" consists of a mother and father in the home both there to raise and support their children.

Another idea I have learned is that the most IMPORTANT idea to consider when creating a family system is that "the family culture that will BEST address the needs of its members." You need to be intentional about how you address a families needs. Lots of subsystems are involved. NO family will look the same or experience consistent change. It is very specific to each family member that makes up the family.

Another aspect I discovered that greatly adds to the definition of a families "culture" is social class. Social class is defined as: "a division as a society based on social and economic status." A question that was asked in my class was: "What do we consider class?" And here is what we brainstormed: economic status, geography (location), education, job/occupation, religion/caste, race- the language we use (ex: ghetto talk vs professional), appearance, family structure, connections, privilege etc. It is amazing to me that there is SO much that goes into defining "social class." And that a lot of these ideas that we listed are usually unspoken but known among all people. And they have spread worldwide as the culture has evolved. Something else my professor shared was: "Each of our family experiences is influenced in some way by the social groups to which we belong. Some of these social groups involved social class or privilege. Others involve the unique cultures to which we belong. Each influences the family in various ways, most often unseen."

A personal example of social class: I visited a friend's neighborhood this past summer when we were in the midst of a drought. In my nieghborhood (since we only live about 45 minutes away) we had been given a city law for water restrictions in our area. And though we are in a different city, this drought warrant had been spread all across the Wasatch front and the Utah county area. However, our friends house we visited, was in a more "high end" or what you would call "wealthy" nieghborhood. And when we arrived, I was STUNNED by what I saw. It was so BEYOND green! Each house had the most PERFECTLY watered lawns, and all plants were thriving almost as if a drought was nonexistent. And to be honest, I was very irritated with this. I couldn't help but think "why are WE putting SO much effort into preserving water in our area when others REFUSE to do the same in theirs?! Can't we work together and create a team effort?" But what I realized is that to be a part of a certain "class" you must live up to certain expectations/rules and be accepted into it. And even then there is no guarantee. And as I examined this experience, it is obvious that no one in that "class" wants to let their grass die first in fear that they will no longer "fit in" or be accepted. I thought of examples I have seen in my life of different "classes" and more about where MY family fits in. And it is truly fascinating to realize the impact a placement in "class" can have on a families culture. What do you think your families "social class" is?

So...is it appropriate for us to state that some forms of family are more legitimate/authorized and effective than others?

My thoughts on that are this: An individual views the world the WAY they were brought up. That is why there is such a profound impact on the family culture. Everyone views things differently based on THIER previous family experience, the community they live in, the inherited beliefs they have accepted etc. Or in other words: their cultural eye. However, even though every family is expected to be different, there is a "state" or "form of family" that has been proven to be most effective. And that is heavily based upon the needs of the members in the family.

Ponder: What do you surround yourself with? What is discussed and learned in your home? How often do you seek to connect with your family members? etc. Every little thing has an impact on our family culture. And it's rare that we really understand or realize the impact that OUR family has or CAN make on the world around us. Decide: how will you create YOUR ideal family culture?